Excerpted from NannyQuest
© 1997 Ruth F. Riley

Very few things in life are forever, so you should be prepared for the fact that even a successful relationship will end at some point.

Planning for the change and transfer of caregiver will allow you to keep the stress level to a minimum. Some changes are easier than others - transfers due to a change in your childcare needs or perhaps due to your caregiver's personal plans (upcoming marriage, educational plans, etc.) are one thing, but it is inevitable that you may have occasion, over the course of your childcare years, to have to terminate a caregiver due to unfavorable job performance. If you have taken a few moments to consider ahead of time, the issues which will arise when you need to change caregivers, you may avoid the worst pitfalls.

When the relationship is ending under amicable circumstances: This is the "best case" scenario; however, there will still be your children's feelings to address and your own stress at having to locate a replacement caregiver.

Decide how soon to tell your children that their nanny is leaving. If you have little ones and older ones, telling the older ones prior to the younger ones could backfire - so consider all the consequences before you decide.

If the caregiver is planning on visiting with the children after she or he stops working for you, this will make the last days easier, since you can remind your children that they will see him or her again and perhaps you can even arrange for a specific date to get together (or time when the children can call on the phone) prior to the nanny's actual departure.

If you don't have any photos of the nanny with your children, this would be a good time to take some for your children to place in their scrapbooks.

Give your child an opportunity to let you know how they feel about the upcoming change (assuming, of course, that this is feasible - infants and toddlers are not as verbally communicative, for the most part!) and let them know that you will also miss this person. Some children will react very strongly, some may withhold their reactions for several weeks (and may even take out their feelings of anger or abandonment on the new caregiver) before you are able to evaluate how they feel.

When the Relationship Ends Unexpectedly or Under Less Than Ideal Circumstances: Sometimes, despite all your best attempts, the relationship doesn't work to your satisfaction. When this happens, decide how much you want your children to know - while the caregiver remains in your employ and even after they have left. It is only natural for you to want to "vent" your frustrations after the nanny has left at the end of the day (or in the case of a live-in nanny, when he or she leaves the house). If your children are within earshot; however, this will only create more problems. After the caregiver has left is time enough (in most situations), for you to sit down with your children and explain, to the best of their ability to comprehend, why you felt that their caregiver needed to be replaced.

In circumstances where the caregiver lives in your community, you need to expect that you and your children could run into the former caregiver when grocery shopping or getting sneakers at the mall, so take that into consideration when you decide what to tell your children when you explain the caregiver's departure. Another consideration when the caregiver will continue to live in your community is the security of your home. Depending on the reason why the relationship is ending, you may want to consider changing pass codes and the locks in your home and alerting the neighbors that this individual is no longer caring for your children (as well as the schools etc.) so that if the individual and his or her car is seen around your home or the children, friends and neighbors will take notice. In most situations, action such as this will not be necessary, but consider your situation and the best manner for addressing possible repercussions to this person's termination.

Terminating Your Caregiver: For a live-out nanny, termination can be done in person or over the phone; however you can most comfortably handle the situation. Know what you and the nanny agreed to in the Work Agreement with regard to termination, so that you can ensure that the terms of your arrangement (to the best of your ability) are carried out. Decide ahead of time what you will say, whether you will be specific as to why the arrangement is ending or more general. It is also suggested that you let the individual know whether they should expect a favorable reference from you or whether you would prefer that your name not be used as a reference. You may prefer that you not be contacted in the future and if that is the case, let the person know this at this time. A final paycheck, accrued vacation pay, and any agreed pay in lieu of notice should be immediately available to the discharged employee.

Terminating a live-in nanny requires a little more coordination. Your meeting to end the relationship will by necessity almost always be in-person. You will need to decide whether you want to leave your children in that individual's sole unsupervised care after such time as you have terminated the person and prior to that individual's departure. It is also a good idea to decide whether you want the person in your home alone prior to their departure.

If the individual arrived at your home under their own resources (their own car, etc.), then planning for their departure can often be done by informing them that they need to be packed and ready to leave by a specific time.

In the event that the individual came to you by plane or train, you will need to decide how to arrange for their departure. You may want to contact the airlines, train stations and bus companies for scheduled departures times and rates prior to speaking with your employee. During the conversation which terminates his/her employ, you will then be in a position to tell the person of their available options and to let them know to make arrangements to leave your home by a specified time.

Be prepared for a nanny to tell you that he or she doesn't have the resources to pay for transportation. In such a circumstance, and assuming that the reason for termination doesn't involve any criminal or similar type issues, you may want to cover the expense of returning them to their hometown in the most economical means available (which may mean a three day bus trip - you aren't responsible for flying someone home, unless that is how your work agreement was written). Obviously if you end up spending money which you are not contractually responsible for, you are entitled to be reimbursed from the caregiver, but realize that you may never receive the reimbursement.

You may want to include a section in your Work Agreement which allows you to hold a portion of the caregiver's final pay until the final phone bill arrives and also allows for you to deduct any expenses you incur in paying for his or her transportation home in the event that the caregiver breaches the agreement and is terminated as a result.

Communicating With Your Children About the Caregiver's Absence: Give yourself some time to gather your feelings and think about how best to present this to your child. Even after only a few weeks, some children can form an attachment to a caregiver which leaves them feeling confused and angry (These feelings may not be directed at the caregiver; they may feel you are responsible, since your child may see you as the reason that the caregiver left.) Everyone needs to decide how best to handle these unfortunate circumstances, but knowing what to expect or anticipate, can help you to deal with the issues which arise in your family after the caregiver departs.

Having a Back-up Plan Whether the immediate need for replacement childcare is due to the caregiver's sudden departure of his or her own accord or your decision that the arrangement needs to end immediately, it is always recommended that you have a back-up plan in place, just in case.

Try to save some vacation or personal time if possible - even a few days will give you a chance to sit down and evaluate your options for handling the next month or so until a permanent replacement can be secured. Discuss with friends and relatives, their general availability for "emergency duty". Know where the day care centers or family care facilities are in your area and have their names and numbers handy in case you need to make some quick calls.

Although management polices and staff can change over time, you may even want to find out ahead of time if there are any day care centers in your area that offer drop-in care arrangements or short-term arrangements (Drop-in care arrangements or short term arrangements can also be very useful if your caregiver is unavailable for a short period of time due to surgery or a family emergency.) Some companies have benefits which provide for time away from work due to family emergencies, so check into your own company's benefits package to see what is available.

Some nanny placement agencies offer temporary care services and can often provide a nanny on an interim period on very short notice. Typically you pay the agency a fee for each day you use the service, in addition to the nanny's wages.

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