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Part 2: Maintaining a Good Relationship With Your Nanny
The
following suggestions are offered to help you keep your
nanny as a happy employee without compromising your
standards and requirements for a quality childcare provider.
Plan
Regular Discussion Time From the Very Beginning of the
Relationship: Don't wait for the need to arise. These
meetings will create a regular opportunity for each
party to raise any concerns they have - primarily childcare
related, but other related issues as need arises. If
possible, plan to have these meeting when the children
are not within hearing distance and are preferably otherwise
occupied, perhaps with friends, etc. As your children
get older and more of what you say no longer "goes over
their head", finding a place to speak out of earshot
may become more of a challenge, but it is important
that your are both able to say what is on your mind
without risking that the children will overhear and
either repeat it or become concerned as a result.
These
meetings should be held often enough that they become
a relaxed method of communication which occurs in a
positive environment. A suggested schedule is weekly
for the first month and if everything is running smoothly,
then monthly; with the understanding that you are available
to discuss something which comes up between meetings
on an as necessary basis. Scheduling one more thing
in an already hectic day may seem overwhelming, but
the results can be well worth the effort - a more rewarding
relationship for your child; which translates to a smoother
running household and less stress for you in your day
to day life.
If
you know that you are about to begin an unusually hectic
time in your job, use your meeting time to notify the
nanny of this. Although you may not be thinking about
how this will impact the nanny, your increased absences
from the home may have an impact on the children and
depending on the work schedule of the other parent (if
applicable), you may need to ask the nanny to work additional
hours during this time. If the nanny will be asked to
work extended hours or perform duties which would not
otherwise be a part of the agreement, consider what
additional remuneration or benefit you can offer. Communications
is the key to a successful relationship.
Keep
private problems - private. Once intimate details regarding
your personal life (including, but not limited to your
financial affairs) become known, it can be difficult
to maintain a professional relationship. Rule of thumb:
only discuss those things which, if they are to be repeated
to your neighbors, would not be a cause for embarrassment.
Discuss
any issues or concerns which you have directly with
the nanny, and not through your children. Over time,
situations may arise which need to be discussed with
your nanny. As difficult as it may be, to only proper
way in which to address these issues is directly. Children
have an uncanny ability to hear most everything that
we don't want them to hear and will invariably repeat
the conversation overheard between Mommy to Daddy, to
their nanny the next day. Your nanny should not find
our from your son or daughter that Mommy told Daddy
that the nanny seems preoccupied and not attentive to
the children lately. Or worse yet, your child may put
their own "spin" on the conversation, changing its meaning
altogether and creating more issues to be discussed:
the real one and your child's version.
Hold
in confidence, all conversations between you and the
nanny. Families should make it a practice not to discuss
their nanny's habits, idiosyncrasies or flaws with anyone
else. Especially with a live-in nanny, you are likely
to be privy to various aspects of the nanny's life which
you would otherwise be unaware of. Provided that these
facts do not impact the care of your children or the
conditions under which you hired the individual, the
nanny should be afforded the same privacy to maintain
his or her own personal life as you would expect to
receive in similar circumstances.
Treat
your nanny as an adult professional. When hiring a nanny,
it is helpful to establish to basis of the relationship
from the beginning - make it clear to each applicant
that you are looking to hire an adult -not an older
child who still needs to be reminded to get up on time
for work, and not an individual who wants to live like
a guest in his or her own home - never picking up after
him or herself or offering , for example to help bring
in the groceries.
Use
the Work Agreement as a tool for communicating with
your employee. The importance of this written agreement
can not be overstated; however, just having an agreement
will not, by itself, accomplish the desired purpose.
If disagreements occur between you and the nanny, often
a review of the agreement will clarify each parties'
duty and responsibility. It is easy for time to dim
the memory of both the family and the nanny, so a review
of this agreement at the end of the first month and
again after six months (coinciding, perhaps, with a
raise review) can be very useful. It can also be helpful
to let the nanny know up front that you are planning
on doing this. Advance knowledge of your intentions,
prior to the existence of any issues in particular,
can make the scheduling of such a meeting more relaxed
and place the nanny in a less defensive posture.
Common
complaints from Nannies: The goal of 4nannies.com is
to provide you, the parent, with the tools you need
to locate the best possible caregiver for your child.
In most cases, the suggestions contained in these pages
will also benefit your nanny. In building this site,
we also spoke with experienced nannies, who shared with
us, a list of their most common complaints. We pass
them on to you in the hopes that you will not fall into
any or all of these traps:
- Families
who take them for granted by coming home late a lot
and expecting more hours (without overtime or advance
notice) than set forth in the Work Agreement.
- Children
who have authority over the nanny and/or are not spoken
to/disciplined by the parents when they won't follow
the nanny's instructions or are disrespectful of the
nanny.
- Families
who expect their nannies to be available (i.e., not
on an optional basis) on weekends and evenings (more
of a problem with live-in nannies), when this was
not agreed upon in the Work Agreement.
- Families
who add extra duties and responsibilities (and even
additional children!) without negotiating tradeoffs
or increased wages.
- Families
who don't provide feed back - everyone likes to know
how they are doing and if you are satisfied, let your
caregiver know!
- Families
who offer their nanny's services, to a friend or neighbor
without first consulting the nanny (even on an occasional
basis).
Communication
and mutual respect are the keys to a rewarding, stable
relationship with your child's nanny.
Included
in your 4nannies.com subscription: Nanny Performance
Review Format, Nanny Self-Review Format, Guidance: Delivering
the Nanny Performance Review.
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RESOURCE
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NANNIES |
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